Can we still hug children? The role of affection and connection in early education and care

Recently we had someone ask if we had any blog posts on appropriate affection in early education and care, and on pondering the question I realised that not only did we not have anything, but that it was a minefield of a topic! So I am wading into it cautiously, sharing my experience and thoughts.

I remember my first ever practicum experience during my TAFE studies. I was in a toddler room in a long day care service. Within hours of me being in the room, I had attracted a posse of small followers, and soon found that they were climbing all over me and hanging off my leg seeking cuddles and kisses. This was a tricky place for eighteen year old me to be. I didn't want to shut these children down, or "be mean", but I was also aware that I was a virtual stranger to them. I remember chatting with an educator about this challenge and throughout my placement, I was aware of my visibility and of maintaining appropriate contact. 

When I became a permanent educator, I quickly learned that there were some children who sought out (and really needed) affection from me. They craved a cuddle when they had fallen over and hurt themselves, they stroked my hair while I read them a story, they wrapped their arms around my neck while I comforted them during separation. Sometimes I would offer a hug when I could see that someone was upset, or would make space so that two children could sit on my lap while we read a book. Knowing the experiences of those children (especially when we had quite a number of children in foster care, or who has experienced difficulties in their home lives), it was evident that this was important for these children, and so was ensuring their safety. 

In recent years, our focus as a sector has fallen heavily to child safety (as it well should!) and questions about appropriate physical touch have come up over and over. I don't claim to have all the answers, but what I do know is this: Children have a right to feel safe, supported and nurtured. And... Human connection is vital for growing brains (check out the book "Why Love Matters" for more on this) 

I don't think affection is a bad thing. Can it be? Absolutely. Inappropriate touching of a child is never okay, and there are certainly signs that we as educators should be alert to, that physical affection is inappropriate. You might find this website a handy starting point - https://www.childsafety.gov.au/. The GECCKO training (mandatory for all educators in Australia) should also support you in building/maintaining your knowledge in this regard. 

So, what do we do? I've heard educators say "we're not allowed to hug children anymore" and as a parent who had children in care - my heart breaks at the thought that might child might be crying and wasn't comforted through a hug (if they wanted one). Is shutting down all physical contact the action that is needed to safeguard children? 

Perhaps instead of shutting down any physical contact, we need to create a culture where children feel safe, supported and nurtured. Where consent is sought. Where they are listened to. Where educators know them. Where the physical environment keeps them safe from harm. Where supervision is effective. 

As I said earlier - I don't have all the answers. This is a multi-layered, complex issue that requires reflection and conversation. 

If you are struggling in your service with conversations, questions or worries about physical affection I strongly recommend the book Asserting a Culture of Child Safety

Our team used this book to guide conversations and decision making about child safety in our family day care services and it was incredibly insightful and helpful.