Why being "held back" from starting school is a gift.


Three parents stood at the playground while their children played together in the garden. As they watched them play, their conversation turned to starting school. Discussing their plans for their children, it was easy for them to fall into the trap of comparing. 


In Australia, children can start school anywhere between around four and a half years and six years, depending on the month in which they were born, and some element of parental choice. Take my own children for example. They are all born in March and April. This meant that I had the choice to send them off to school in the year that they were turning five or the year that they were turning six. For my first two children, we decided to wait until they were almost six, while the third happily strolled off to school at four years and ten months, eager to get this show on the road (although COVID soon stepped in and she ended up back at home, but that's another story!). 

Why did we make different decisions for each child? Because we respected that each of our children were different - their personalities are different, their interests are different, their social skills are different. And here's where we were lucky. We didn't have any external pressure to not "hold them back". 


When I was working in a preschool room, I noticed that there was quite a stigma around "holding children back" for an extra year, and I believe that it still exists. Sure, it might be human nature to compare ourselves to others, but parenting as a whole seems to have become more competitive in recent decades, and I worry that the pressure is really on parents (and subsequently, children) to "keep up". 


This is why we need to change the rhetoric and the language around waiting the extra year before starting school. Now I know what you are thinking "but Nicole, you sent your child "early". Yep, I did. And I would do it again, she was ready to be there. But I have absolutely no regrets about my other two children not starting until they were almost six. Giving them that extra year in quality early education and care, was the most wonderful gift I could have done for them.

And that's exactly what it is. A GIFT. 

We need to be the ones to change the language.

We need to support families to see the value in the gift of an extra year.

We need to make the learning that happens through play, visible for families.

We need to make our places so incredibly wonderous and engaging that families don't even hesitate to keep their children with us for another year. 

And, we need to be the ones to advocate for better funding and better access for children and families, because it would be remiss of us not to recognise that for some families, the decision to send their child to school can also be financial one, given the burden of high child care fees. 


So, I implore you - if you haven't already - start changing the language around waiting to start school. When a parent asks "do you think I should hold them back?", you can reply "I think you should give them the incredible gift of an extra year of.... " and list all of the amazing things about your service. 


Want more about the Transition to School process? You will love our new mini-course in our online learning community. The self-paced course explores the process of creating a positive transition from home/ the early care setting to school, and how we as educators can best support this process through learning and wellbeing. Use the code BLOG1409 at checkout to get the course for just $10!



  • I totally agree we need to change the language, Holding them back from???? what, time to explore, learn new skills, make friends, just be!!! With out screens!!!

  • Agree with all of the above. The conversation needs to be held earlier than the year they start their kinder/ preschool/ year before starting compulsory schooling because (in Victoria, at least) just being young is not grounds for a second year of funded kindergarten. They need to demonstrate delays in 2 areas of learning. Many young children show appropriate development for their age, and they do not qualify. With all the reforms touted at present, starting age is one that seems to not be getting attention.

    Louise Fitzpatrick Leach
  • Hi Nic, this is a passion of mine to hold all children back from end of January birthday. I was told by high school teachers 30 years ago these children are not ready at the high school end of education, primary yes they generally cope. The teachers say its the younger ones that dont cope dont fit into pier groups in yr 12 as they are younger in maturity. My daughter was feb and today 40 years on she says to me she was the youngest and same in the work place and Uni. She struggled for first 6 mths of each year I had to work really hard with her at 6 mths in she would take off cope easily. I still advise parents to hold back after Jan I dont always win but they if send end up with tutoring and struggling needing and can be disruptive. the older ones cope easily ready to go. I have seen this over and over again in the 50yrs of caring. The ones held back then start are strong and can cope with pressures in the playground.

    sue oleary
  • Could not agree more with this blog and wish it had been given to my own parents over 60 years ago.

    Robyn Welsh
  • Absolutely love this language !!!! Thanks

    Dana King

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